How do we prevent our children, therefore, from becoming “derailed’ as adults? The answers are simple, but the actions are not. Parents, by the very nature of parenthood, need to be hyper-vigilant, dutiful, aware, sensitive, good listeners and must have the capacity to put their off-spring FIRST. Children come into the world pretty simple, needing only the barest of essentials in order to be happy. Why would anyone have a problem with accommodating those needs? If you do or you think you do, DON’T HAVE CHILDREN! It is as simple as the golden rule of doing unto others… If you already have children and too often feel inadequate or overwhelmed by the enormity of the task, there is help for you. If you arrive at a place where you regret that you ever had children—news flash! It’s too late, sorry! Do the best you can and get help. The responsibility IS extremely daunting, but you are in it for the long haul so use whatever resources you have to do all that you can to be a good parent.
Why is this subject so important to ME, particularly, and why am I so adamant about the subject of parenting? Because I have spent my entire life trying to undue and FIX the damage that was done to me in childhood! I have worked through a great deal of it and continue to do so on a daily basis, but the scars run deep and the hurt is palpable and I would love to prevent even one child from unnecessary suffering! I want you to know, however that I do NOT see myself as a victim because I believe, in a deeper sense, that I actually CHOSE this life; I believe that we all choose our lives because we are HERE to LEARN the LESSONS. As much as I hate to think so, and as much as I would like to think that I should have chosen differently in some ways, that isn’t the reality. There is a REASON for everything, even if we can’t see it at a moment in time. We all have a PURPOSE here (another article) and that is part of our journey—to discover what that purpose is!
I would also like to say, in deference to my parents (only my mother is still alive), whom I adore, respect, admire and appreciate, that I have healed many of the wounds and I have been able to forgive. And there are SO MANY wonderful, precious and remarkable gifts they have given to me that to only focus on the negative would be extremely myopic, on my part! The value of their teachings—the values they instilled in me, the priorities on what is truly important in life, the ethics I learned and the sense of social justice which was so critical a part of my up-bringing, that I can now ONLY say “thank you” again and again and again… This is the light at the end of the tunnel, and it ISN’T another train! I do not, in any sense of the word, feel “derailed;” and the good news also is that, yes, we are formed in childhood by our parents, but once we have flown the coop, so to speak, it is OUR JOB to make of our lives what we will. We are left with the task of parenting ourselves, and by God, if we don’t know how to or are unsure, there are many ways in which to learn it! It is now our CHOICE; we have no one to blame but ourselves if adulthood isn’t working. It is up to us… So my advice to you is, to again quote Lynn Grabhorn, “Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting.” What are you going to do about it??
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